Ensuring a place in history, one retarded comment at a time

Enter Jarabaraas. Seasoned retarded blogger, amateur female and that creep who stares at women on the street. Of late it has been taking it upon himself the noble cause of showing us all who the most dim-witted of the padas are. It does this simply by posting the most outlandish crap possible and waiting for comments.

This past verbal assault of the senses contains many paragraphs of just that. Here we give you a fe excerpts.

It is fair to say controversy lead to popularity. I touched on topics that were “NO GO area” and taboo for others. Whilst I managed to get traffic into my blog, I did so at a cost, well not really, but still it has a price that I have paid for, namely ANONYMOUS HATE COMMENTS.

Obviously, making a fool of yourself in so many ways that Einstein loses count is definitely a “NO GO area”. Trust NB to wander into places nobody dares to go. Rather, where nobody gives a shit to consider going to because you get bored out of your mind if you do.

Come think of it, I always knew the risks. I was warned Kottu was a minefield of sorts where one had to look and watch his/her back. Heeding to this advice, as a precautionary measure I moderated comments. I didn’t want to get into all kinds of ugly wars online. End of the day I do have my ethics, values and principles despite my cold-blooded personality.

Holy shit! The great Jarabaraas has spoken, and kottu is a battleground! God save our souls! Obviously, you’re supposed to watch you back in minefields, as those sneaky buggers like Indi and Blacker sneak up behind you and lob landmines at you. I should have listened to David Blacker and not ignored him as a washed up old hack. Oh woe is me. Soon all our kottu will be destroyed and rotten. Surely we will have to crouch along the ground when posting. I myself was singed by a few ak47’s when typing this post.

Halfway through reading up on our mentally challenged friend’s updates, we just lost all interest. The thing called Jarabaraas has gone supernova. This new post is so full of bullshit that it’s surprising the creature isn’t in advertising himself. The thing shows us two images that look alike about as much as a leper and Jessica Alba, trying to pass them off as one and the same.

Fuckwit.

And The Saga of Jarabaraas Continues…

I feel we’ve given our good friend and resident village idiot enough of an incubation period to come up with some world class dumbassery. But alas, it is not to be so. All we are given is the mildly retarded content that pours out from here.

What happened friend? Did you stick a filter on the bullshit generator? Why did you turn into a woman? We wholeheartedly agree that you still have much to give the world. You should keep blogging. But why switch to another blog? You can just use the old one, my good chap. You’ve rejuvinated iot enough times now that people have actually lost count. What purpose would calling yourself a girl serve?

It’s like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. But calling Jarabaraas a wolf is an insult to all animals, and instead of sheep’s clothing in this case the creature just smeared some lipstick on it’s face, put on a corsette and pretended to be a girl. We are reminded of Bugs Bunny’s attempts to foil the hunter. And, like that, we all know who’s really under that almost nonexistent smattering of disguise. Only the lowliest of minds are fooled by this feeble attempt.

We almost forgot about his usage of the emote . That poor, poor little icon has been stripped of any decency now that Jarabaraas has started throwing it around at every opportunity. Almost like he throws himself off a cliff so many times to become as retarded as he is. He must repeat it a few times a week, so as to stop the natural healing process taking place.

It’s almost as if he/she/it is trying it’s hardest to make posts on the most controvertial of topics, and failing miserably at it. Resorting to commenting anonymously on your own blog does not a controversy make. The only way you would ever generate interest these days is if you started taking voyeur pictures of women you deem to be “indecently” dressed and posted them with your judgement. What happened, boy? You used to be so good at pulling the right strings on the minds of all the padas. Need somebody to light a fire under you?

Nowadays I can’t even pick out sentences from your blog to laugh at. It is a sad day indeed when Jarabaraas cannot make people laugh. If I try now, my brain just starts hurting when I start reading. If I get past more than two sentences, I feel like a ton of bricks just fell on me and continued to violate me from behind. Well at least you can say his writing has an impact.

RIP Jarabaraas – Dumb Motherfucker and World Class Retarded Blogger. May he have plumbago stuck up his behind for eternity.

Girigoris the Hun

This specimen here displays a common ailment found in many bloggers. Except it’s not exactly an ailment, it’s just called being retarded. Read through his blog and you will be reeling back, wondering if anyone got the number of that truck that just hit you.

Hip hop grammar, hackney words and general stupidity come together to form the perfect loser. Our friend here is the type of ‘man’ you see on street corners, skinny as a broomstick, trying to smoke a ciggy to look cool and whistling at the women. For reasons that are a mystery to him, he never seems to get laid. This blog is the result when a creature like that gets access to the internet.

Leave me ur comments on this one.. Also mention what chances u think I have of gettin dis sassy lady. I kno I get her nyway cos ‘m the One innit but I like gettin peeps ideas as dats mi nature… Its jus da type of kind bugger I is

Zero. If you manage to get any female other than your mom whose basement you live in to touch you, the world would implode. The ‘kind of bugger you is’ is a dumbass. You’re not smooth, and you don’t sound smooth. If you could spare a second from masturbating to fetish porn with a vacant look on your face to think about what you’re doing, you might yet save us from a fate of having to see your steaming piles of excrement posted on the internet.

Please, go stick a finger up your ass and die.

Freak Show Macadamia!

Tsch, tsch… It would seem the bloggers have been running amok in our absense.

None more so than this nutty individual- Macadamia Nut… She’s so nutty she can pee Macadamia nuts! Now that’s truly amazing.

So amazing that she should be in the circus right beside the bearded lady and the Siamese twins who tap dance.

But then again… Who’d pay to watch a scary woman scratch her hairy pubes before shooting out a small nut from there?

Now don’t give me that look, I didn’t make that up. She writes about her hairy itchy pubes here.

(Interesting little fact- Macadamia nuts are also known as Queen of Nuts and Bush Nuts… Apt, wouldn’t you say?)

Can someone please inform her that there are somethings best kept to herself. And that people don’t really want to know about ALL the disgusting on-groins goings of her nether regions.

Aren’t some things sacred anymore??!?!?! And the poem isn’t even any good to boot…

Well, I don’t think anyone would pay a grand to watch a Macadamia nut pop out of disgusting, hairy, tick infested pubes. Unless they’re bulimic and are finding it difficult to induce that barf. So maybe if she gets a Brazilian wax and pees a slightly larger Brazil nut (mostly for marketing purposes), the male population might just pay to see that.

Reading her latest post, she must have gone loony by spending so much time with her “demented” maids. There seems to have been one who peed in a test tube and brandished it happily at the house hold. That must have had a perverse effect on her young impressionable mind. Oh well! Make the best of a bad situation right?…

A grand to see a woman pee a Brazil nut! A grand to see a woman pee a Brazil nut! Don’t miss this spectatuar freak show!

Public Service Announcement!

There’s a lot of bad poetry drifting on Kottu.org, like noxious scum on the river behind the Springfield nuclear plant. We had the misfortune of stumbling upon some of the worst of it when we read The Whackster’s blog. His poetry is so noxious it’s positively radio-active! Just reading it will turn your brain drippy and you’ll become a senseless drooling pile of meat sitting in front of your pc.

WARNING: Reader’s discretion is advised before opening the given link due to the turn-your-brain-to-goop nature of the post (click on the image)

 

 

Padashow will not be held responsible and cannot be sued by your family if you’re found senseless with your brain dripping out of your nostrils after having clicked this link.

 

 When we first came across it we thought it was so strange and abnormal that we actually passed on ripping it up here. After being subjected to his most recent bit of drivel, we felt that (even though we are trolls and don’t give a rat’s ass if other people die) this is just too hazardous to be allowed to be freely available on the Web. 

First he coins the word “renephobe” and then asks us what it means. A true mental case at work! Is he afraid of his kidneys or something? We got it – he’s actually afraid of urea. So why does he keep spewing so much of it on his blog under the guise of ‘poetry’.

This boy is pretty mentally disturbed, we tell you. His posts are bad enough, not to mention senseless enough but his poetry is in a class by itself.

And then he asks why we should be afraid of him? Perhaps because he is obviously ready for the loony bin and the spewing of his mind as revealed here shows him g\fit enough to be straitjacketed?

Breaking down the rest of the post is just a waste of our time. The whole post is a mother-load of stinking buffalo poop! What sort of dumb ass listens to gecko’s fart??? Do they even fart?

Crude Awaking is his latest bit of mindless tapping away at a keyboard and the boy seems to be brooding over some chic. Haiyo! What is it about having their hearts broken that makes these buggers think they can write poetry?

While bad poetry can be expected from a Shania Twain fan, we’d never have thought she’d be able to induce such a degree of it!

We should start a petition to have The Whackster banned from writing poetry and hand it over to Human Rights Watch, because as long as this hazardous excrement is on the World Wide Web, lives will be in danger!

Or the very least have this warning sign flashing on his blog…

 

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!

Why plague us again?

This blogger here seems to have deemed it fit to spread his muck all over the internet again. It seems to have been brought back by all the rubbish generated by the ending of the war, giving him an opportunity to pitch in with his own horribly disguised posts.

Read through this blog and you will find writing that looks like it has been thrown through the ‘Words to use to augment shortcomings in other departments’ generator. Such overuse of a thesaurus we have never set eyes upon.

In this latest post about some inane pseudo intellectual conversation with an equally, if not more demented friend, he  manages the astonishing feat of making an excessively large post without actually saying anything much.

Here we give you the post, with proper editing for brevity.

Me: Tamils. Use them to sound intelligent.

Friend : Blah blah blah kill all of them blah blah blah

Me : EXACTLY. I hope I come out sounding at least half as smart as I try to portray myself. Maybe then real peopole will start paying attention to me.

Friend : Rahh rahh raahhh I’m a raving lunatic.

Me : My word, <insert bullshit of choice>

Please, don’t insult our intelligence with such tripe.

Confused bunch of idiots

Here we come across a troupe of idiots about as confused as Jarabaraas in front of an IQ test.

“Your Blog Rocks! x3″ was created after the Sri Lankan blogosphere had been repeatedly plagued by unwanted, unappreciated, untalented trolls who make Simon Cowell look good…

…To balance off the negative energy produced by the likes of The Maharajah of Bad (now seemingly defunct), Padashow, Zoltan, and the various other trolls not worthy of mention.

What kind of deranged nonsense is this? ‘Negative Energy’? Are you some kind of hippy who just happened to stumble across the internet while high? We’re trolls, not that man down the road who grabs your butt on the way to school every morning.

You’re either a troll or your troll food. What the blazes are you? Dripping with sarcasm in most lines yet stupidly making absolutely no use of it. You’re the Miley Cyrus of trolls.

Cerebral Kissassery

Our not so favourite eight legged emo girl has gone down to the lowest forms of traffic pulling, stalking and kissassery. This fart has gone the distance of stalking her fellow emo fart bloggers, and in a lame drive to fish complements and kiss their asses she has drawn pictures of them. My four year old blind cousin with two fingers can do better sketches that this.

This is worse than that PonnaBoy fart who kisses ass to trolls to get traffic into his blog, hoping his lame ass will be featured on Padashow.

We await her next post titled “What bloggers had for breakfast last week: Now I know because I have my head so far up their asses“

Yes, we think it’s stupid too

…the whole post that is.

All it lacks are a pair of bongo drums and a skinny guy dressed in black with a Beret painstakingly perched on the side of his head, reading it out.

Best part is there’s a verse directed at Indi!

I think it’s stupid…

To willfully break the law and expect sympathy for being clapped in jail.

With bloggers taking jabs at each other, you’d think we’d have it all under control. But four little fagots seem to think differently. They can be found at Your Blog Rocks! <3!

Now, we’ll have a proper post dedicated just to them, but for now… You must have a look-see at their profiles!

First up, Ze Fuzzay Monkay-

frrrommm ze depths of the jungies of Siri Lanka, comes ze fuzziest creature of zem all… his name is… ZE FUZZAY MONKAY!

he esscaped his cage ze veddhas put him in and found refuge in a ginormous plate of KOTTU!

he ate and ate till his tummy became full and his fur fuzzier, and his face was set in a permanent xD

Fuzzay has a special liking for Kottu, and luurrrrvs the kottu karaya, mr. indi.ca for making such a scrumpcious neverending feast.

This one seems to have a speech impediment. I suggest we take that Beret around Kottu and start a hat collection. Each blogger can contribute Rs. 10 or more, and the monkey can have that speech impediment sorted… Or we could do it the inexpensive way and just rip out his vocal chords with our bare hands! See, we want to help… Whoever said we were bad trolls?

He is apparently from the depths of the jungies in Sri Lanka… Wherever that is, I’d rather not know. But what springs to mind is a hairy bette! Dipshit, Go back to the demon veddha who cursed the world when he purged you out and get off the  “Kottu plate” before all the bloggers die of typhoid!

And then we have the Spider Pig-

this little piggy – wont go to the market

this little piggy – wont stay home.

this little piggy – will have aaaaaaaallllll the roast beef

this little piggy – will leave none (for you.)

BUT :

this little piggy will go wee wee WEE WEE WEEEE WEEEEEEEEEE -aaaaaaaaaallll the way back to your blog rocks! x3 to write lots or nicey nice things about the kottus.

PIGGY_OOON, ppl!!!

(kind of ironic, noh, a piggy that eats roast beef?)

Another fat bastard. As for being a fagot, we didn’t think he was one until we came across this post.

Spiderpig, if you’re a cross between a spider and a pig (got bitten by the Makuluwo on Kottu, I presume?) there’s nothing ironic about a pig eating beef, you dimwit.

Now if it were pork, perhaps. But then pigs eat all sorts of shit (a prime example is of you licking bloggers’ asses) but then we’ve never heard of a Madpig disease so I think you’re in the clear.

And lastly (because the 4th fagot doesn’t have a profile) SomapalaSays-

Somapala is a issimple man.

Somapala read blogs and be very impressed. Local bloggers true genious.

Somapala get ‘Why-Fy’ in appa kadey, but I not knowing what it is. Somapala use Siri Lanka Telecum.

Somapala look forward to see your blog.

Somapala not always write like this, you ninny.

Uhuh… Yeah, you haven’t got copying Gossip Aiya down right… You’re attempt is so lame it’s crossed the point of funny! Go back to your Appa Kade! Trolling is not for you. Of course, if your appe are as bad as your trolling, all four of you should eat it. And make sure that typhoid carrier, Monkay, helps you prepare it…

Everybody hates the short guy.

Shamelessly stole this from Dominic Sansoni and cropped his name out. Oh come on, we’re a troll and we can’t expected to give a damn about your copyright fuss.

Anyhow, this is Indi, and we’re wondering why Nibras Jarabaraas Bawa thinks he’s us. Why is it that when shit hits the fan it’s the short guy who has to take the fall? So now is Jarabaraas going to send cops over to Indi’s house to have him arrested. At least that’s what he said he would do. And we know Indi’s got strings to pull to get himself out of trouble.

This is going to be fun.