Forged Intelligence

Let's pick on a recluse with a wicked hairdo who writes for himself.

Perhaps the most honest blogger in the Sri Lankan 'bog'osphere, Forge seems to be very aware of the fact that no one else understands what the fuck he's writing about. What a mindfuck that must be, to be keenly aware of your own banality and confusion.

Sumana Blows

Sumana just gave me a free blowjob. It felt good. But then I remembered, it wouldn't have cost me more than a bath-packet anyway to get this loser down on his knees. That took the edge off the happy feeling. After all he is the kinda guy who'd pimp his mother for a few bucks.
Here's some of the love:

gasboy is too methodical and calculated, not a casual troll

long term intent of becoming the most popular site on Kottu (almost already there!)

Troll clearly has a sense of style

detailed carefully researched almost forensic attacks

This guy should get a job beta testing software

Apparantly educated,quite fluent in Englis

He claims to be the most innovative thing to hit Kottu. Heck, he probably IS!

This boy is trying really hard to make nice with me. Thanks Sumana, the buttering up worked for like 5 nanoseconds. You're still a moron with an inane blog. You're going to have to do better than that to please me.

However, troll worship is going to increase the traffic to your blog.

Thank you? You're welcome my dear boy. Now…back on your knees.

WAR!

So Elric/Reg has declared war on Indi, and I seem to have been the cause of this whole mess. I am flattered boys. Truely flattered.

Going through Elric’s post what’s clear is that all this guy wants for himself is some anonymity. Doesn’t he know he’s not going to get that by writing a inane blog? If this guy didn’t want attention from the Kottu people, he wouldn’t have come and left those comments on Pada Show. You started it mate. Now suffer.

This might make for interesting pillow-talk with Loki, what say?

You’ve declared war on the God Of Kottu and now all his sidekicks are going to come knocking on your doorstep and stick their toungue out atcha. Ah the horror. That’ll teach you not to mess with the Kottu homies!

So is shortstuff going to take this like the ponnaya that he is and feel tempted to (flash his woody) write a scathing reply to Elcric? I wish he would. More food for the troll.

The One That Got Away, But Won’t Leave

What kind of a name is Monalee anyway? I'm assuming the person who's left a comment as Monalee on Pada Show is the same Monalee that Indi was trying to boink some time ago.

We all know how that story ended up. Girl, just do poor shortstuff (Indi) and make up for all the lost action. Being nasty to Pada Show is not going to make Indi feel better about not having gotten any!

She's given me lessons on how to be nasty. I think I'm going to take her advice. After all she did prove hereself to be the god of nasty things with what she did to shortstuff.

The Child Misses Having A Life

Childof25 grasps the point I have been trying to make here.

I really wish I’d had a blog in college when I actually would have had something to write about. Back then I actually had an interesting life.

But then, back in college, even if you had a blog you wouldn't be writing it because you have better things to do. Get what I mean?

You actually had a life. Later on devoid of anything resembling a life, you feel the fingers of boredom close around your skull and you do what most in your position do. Sit in front of a computer and blog.

On Kottu bored and jobless people write about their boring lives and other bored and jobless people spend hours reading them. Then having found out how someone is more bored and more jobless than you are, one sets out to prove that they are indeed the most bored and most jobless person on Kottu.

Beautiful cycle perpetuated by morons.

Matchmaking

Remember how I told you that Electra chick needs to find someone to help her out with all her issues? Well I think I might have found someone who could solve all of Electra’s problems. Frankly this woman could solve the whole world’s problems!

(Fanfare) It’s St Jude from Gobblezygook.

She doesn’t swear and thanks god at least three times in each post. But each time a man walks past her that halo above her head begins flickering like a tubelight with a bad starter. I know I’m booking a one way ticket to hell by trashing this devout citizen of eden, but it’s worth it since hell is where most of y’all from Kotttu are going anyway. I’m not too much of a Daddy, Junior and the Spook kinda person.
Electra, bitch you gotta hang out with this chick and she’ll get that custom made halo installed above your head in less than a week I guarantee. That can be the first of howevermany miracles she has to perform.

Of her maker she says:

He is my walking stick, my wheel chair my vitamin & my Prozac.

The Prozac bit is a little scary, and it seems she has a thing against disabled people. That’s all good, but then in a later post we find this:

A strange desire is born, or implanted rather, by my Maker.

And who would your maker be? iRobot Corp?

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V = Blogging

Sampath thinks reproducing stupid forwards that his moron buddies send him is blogging. He's been on Kottu for about a month now I think, but he's fitting right in with the other losers in the network.

He justifies the post with a

This was a publication by the Institute For Business, Technology & Ethics.

So? Pada Show is a publication by the Institute for Banality Stupidity and Ignorance. Would you republish everything I wrote?

Really, can someone tell him that just copying and pasting from emails is not cool? I mean, I hate people who send me forwards, so what am I supposed to feel about people who actually post them on their blogs?

Priorities

Chaturanga has a photograph on his blog of him standing next to a humvee. The caption reads:

This was taken during the tsunami disaster on my way to Kataragama

So the Tsunai happened and this little fucker decided to take a holiday in Kataragama. And on the way down he stopped to take photographs with humvees and whatnot. Ladies and gents we have one guy who has his priorities just right.

At least he wasn’t post-Tsunami glitterati like Mahagoo and elfboy. And speaking of elfboy, where did that little piss-in-the-genepool vanish to anyway?

V Day Will Never Be The Same Again

Chaturanga has a chick who can't leave home after dark. I think her daddy knows this randy boy is just waiting for an opportunity to jump into her pants. So what does our little suppressed romeo do on V day? He most certainly can't do his woman, so after several hours of humping the pillow he has a brainfart.

i wanted to give a candle lit dinner…well i covered my room with bed sheets (nice ones) so no lihg tcan come in da daytime… had candles got my two fish tanks in my room lit up… decorated da whole room to look like a fine diner… made a her fav dish got a 10 red roses for da years ive knwn her existence… got my pc playin her fav romatic collection…and got her into my room blindfolded and surprized her!!!

I hope the surprize she got was not erectile dysfunction.

What was it, dear god, that made Chaturanga think that we would want to know this tripe? We want to know if you got any action you ass.

Not just because I'm a troll, objectively, Chaturanga needs to be given the number of a good shrink. Chaturanga, remember this, when the men in white lab-coat like dresses come for you, they're your friends. They're going to make you wear this funny thing with belts which makes you hug yourself. That's to remind you of how much you love yourself.

Sneaky

One of you sneaky fuckers from Kottu was stupid enough to try logging on as Pada Show. Sneaky sneaky bastards.

I am absolutely positive it was our buddy Dim, because he's the only one who's been brainfarting consistently since Pada Show came online. Or it might even be our gold-fishlike buddy Sophist.

Whoever it is, if you want to know who I am, logging into Pada Show is not going to show you anything. If you're nice and ask me who I am I might even let you in on the secret.