The Child Misses Having A Life

Childof25 grasps the point I have been trying to make here.

I really wish I’d had a blog in college when I actually would have had something to write about. Back then I actually had an interesting life.

But then, back in college, even if you had a blog you wouldn't be writing it because you have better things to do. Get what I mean?

You actually had a life. Later on devoid of anything resembling a life, you feel the fingers of boredom close around your skull and you do what most in your position do. Sit in front of a computer and blog.

On Kottu bored and jobless people write about their boring lives and other bored and jobless people spend hours reading them. Then having found out how someone is more bored and more jobless than you are, one sets out to prove that they are indeed the most bored and most jobless person on Kottu.

Beautiful cycle perpetuated by morons.

Matchmaking

Remember how I told you that Electra chick needs to find someone to help her out with all her issues? Well I think I might have found someone who could solve all of Electra’s problems. Frankly this woman could solve the whole world’s problems!

(Fanfare) It’s St Jude from Gobblezygook.

She doesn’t swear and thanks god at least three times in each post. But each time a man walks past her that halo above her head begins flickering like a tubelight with a bad starter. I know I’m booking a one way ticket to hell by trashing this devout citizen of eden, but it’s worth it since hell is where most of y’all from Kotttu are going anyway. I’m not too much of a Daddy, Junior and the Spook kinda person.
Electra, bitch you gotta hang out with this chick and she’ll get that custom made halo installed above your head in less than a week I guarantee. That can be the first of howevermany miracles she has to perform.

Of her maker she says:

He is my walking stick, my wheel chair my vitamin & my Prozac.

The Prozac bit is a little scary, and it seems she has a thing against disabled people. That’s all good, but then in a later post we find this:

A strange desire is born, or implanted rather, by my Maker.

And who would your maker be? iRobot Corp?

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V = Blogging

Sampath thinks reproducing stupid forwards that his moron buddies send him is blogging. He's been on Kottu for about a month now I think, but he's fitting right in with the other losers in the network.

He justifies the post with a

This was a publication by the Institute For Business, Technology & Ethics.

So? Pada Show is a publication by the Institute for Banality Stupidity and Ignorance. Would you republish everything I wrote?

Really, can someone tell him that just copying and pasting from emails is not cool? I mean, I hate people who send me forwards, so what am I supposed to feel about people who actually post them on their blogs?

Priorities

Chaturanga has a photograph on his blog of him standing next to a humvee. The caption reads:

This was taken during the tsunami disaster on my way to Kataragama

So the Tsunai happened and this little fucker decided to take a holiday in Kataragama. And on the way down he stopped to take photographs with humvees and whatnot. Ladies and gents we have one guy who has his priorities just right.

At least he wasn’t post-Tsunami glitterati like Mahagoo and elfboy. And speaking of elfboy, where did that little piss-in-the-genepool vanish to anyway?

V Day Will Never Be The Same Again

Chaturanga has a chick who can't leave home after dark. I think her daddy knows this randy boy is just waiting for an opportunity to jump into her pants. So what does our little suppressed romeo do on V day? He most certainly can't do his woman, so after several hours of humping the pillow he has a brainfart.

i wanted to give a candle lit dinner…well i covered my room with bed sheets (nice ones) so no lihg tcan come in da daytime… had candles got my two fish tanks in my room lit up… decorated da whole room to look like a fine diner… made a her fav dish got a 10 red roses for da years ive knwn her existence… got my pc playin her fav romatic collection…and got her into my room blindfolded and surprized her!!!

I hope the surprize she got was not erectile dysfunction.

What was it, dear god, that made Chaturanga think that we would want to know this tripe? We want to know if you got any action you ass.

Not just because I'm a troll, objectively, Chaturanga needs to be given the number of a good shrink. Chaturanga, remember this, when the men in white lab-coat like dresses come for you, they're your friends. They're going to make you wear this funny thing with belts which makes you hug yourself. That's to remind you of how much you love yourself.

Sneaky

One of you sneaky fuckers from Kottu was stupid enough to try logging on as Pada Show. Sneaky sneaky bastards.

I am absolutely positive it was our buddy Dim, because he's the only one who's been brainfarting consistently since Pada Show came online. Or it might even be our gold-fishlike buddy Sophist.

Whoever it is, if you want to know who I am, logging into Pada Show is not going to show you anything. If you're nice and ask me who I am I might even let you in on the secret.

Copycatted

Guys there's someone using the gmail address padasho@gmail.com who's been trying to attract my attention to that fanpost Purge wrote about me. I'm not going to waste my time writing to any of you losers so if you get any email from anyone claiming to be Pada Show it might be fake, or it might be my lawyers getting in touch with you to sue your sorry ass for defamation!

Purge, either someone out there really likes you, or really hates you. But don't worry I don't need to be told that you're an adoring fan. I know that already. Thank you so very much for that post. I shall remember to slander you generously in the future.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

Salmonella finally lost his marbles on Indi’s blog.

I must know this guy. I can’t figure it out. It’s driving me nuts.

Confession is a sweet thing isn’t it Sal? But the sad part is, you’re never going to know who I am. Why do you want to know so badly? You’re not even a blogger. Just one of Indi’s fan club.

My omniscient attitude bothers you? Sal, this is Colombo. Everyone knows everyone.

Anal Action Improves Farting

Just when Dim-ithri thought it was safe to go back into the water, here we are again.

Dim, you wish I was gone, but I ain't. I'm going to stick around and buttfuck you a bit more. It appears that the butt action I've been giving you lately has loosened things up a bit. As your last two posts show your pada is coming out stinkier and louder.

How can I neglect you since you've given us not one, but two fan posts? The signed photograph is in the mail. Frame it and worship it you little black bitch!

Kottu : Fuck Off And Die

All you Kottu bloggers make me sick.

Just look at yourselves. You have been reduced to a shouting, shrieking, steaming pile of dog poo by a blog that's a few days old. Look at the comments you leave on this blog. Not one comment is devoid of crass and uncivilzed references to anal sex, oral sex, homosexual sex and sex in general. None of it is without bitterness, bravado and the ferocious need to prove yourselves right and Padashow wrong.

When did bloggers become so scared? When did bloggers turn into insecure shits like Sophist, who despite being (apparently) one of the most intelligent young lawyers in town, continues to feed the troll with lame threats like his life depends on it? Like Tracy, perfectly mature young woman with a life and a job, who leapt to Naz's side with a well-thought out and arrogantly defensive comment?

Dim Dim, my-nuts-are-stinging-because-i'm-a-fucking-liberatian sittingnut, Sophist, even Scourge (who added to Dim's list of posts dedicated to the troll), (T)homian or not, you guys make me sad. If the rest of you are any better, get rid of jerk-offs like Dim Dim and Sophist who give even the tolerable ones a bad name.
Bloggers were once brave, idealistic, rebellious and intelligent. Above all, they practised tact like a religion. You guys show none of the fibre that it takes to be a real blogger. You guys will act tough and throw filth at each other (half of it is not even directed at Padashow), which just goes to show that you guys are the biggest Padashows this world has ever seen. You produce nothing of any real substance, just a lot of loud and smelly air.

In a way, you are true sons of Sri Lanka. You have proven that even with all the education you lot have been put through, you still need to behave like animals when threatened. And then Indi trashes me and blames the "Sri Lankan phenomenon of just being bitter". Fuck you Indi, look at your own troup of Kottu monkeys and set your house in order first. Ask Sophist not to be bitter. He's your buddy ain't he? And all those other morons too. At least I'm not in denial about my nature.
You call me the troll, but you guys are bigger assholes than all my posts put together make me. You can't defend yourselves against Padashow with facts and points that make sense. All you can do is fling some profanity and hollow threats my way hoping I'll bow down. Well hear this. I'm not giving in, and I'm not giving up, as long as I have something to say.

As much as this saddens me, I must say that the Kottu women have shown exceptional self-control and maturity. Naz, Electra, Roshi, Nuzreth and even Tracy (other than for stupidly jumping to Naz's defence) have refrained from behaving like asses on Pada Show. Hats off to them. Why is it that the guys can't behave like that? When you see a troll why must you grab your club and run after it as if your life depended on it?
Proves again that all guys are a few insults away from a neanderthal, and a vasectomy away from losing their brain.

I am a troll. I will sink no further. You are worse than trolls. You guys have gone beyond bottom feeders and have actually started exploring the frontiers of low.Hope you have fun down there. When I began this I had no idea I was going to have the moral high-ground, but now that you have given it to me on a silver platter I love it.

Kottu bloggers, fuck off and die, and take your self-righteous, I-can-beat-the-shit-out-of-anyone-who-offends-me attitude with you to the grave. You disappoint me.