I’ll tell your mommy!

Just when we thought Jarabaraas’s head couldn’t take any more banging against the keyboard to make posts, he gives us this pile of shit. I’ll give him one thing, he never fails to surprise. It’s like watching a man punching himself and then suddenly pull a gun out of his ass and systematically blow off his extremities.

In the latest steaming pile of shit from his by now ravaged mind, location of many a batle between the multiple personalities in it, he threatens to “Tell ur mommy!!!”. Ladies and gentlmen, padas and Jarabaraas, we have now seen the lamest line in the (albeit short) history of Jarabaraas’s blog. He keeps opening and closing it like a hooker spreads her legs. And much like a hooker, he has to fake it everytime.

Now we all know how he copies words, lines or entire ideas from other padas, but he is making it increasingly apparent that he has absolutely no brainpower. A brain would be as out of place in his head as stilettos on a beach. If he got a brain transplanted it would shrivel up and die from all the bullshit and sawdust in there.

His only skill seems to be googling things. Maybe his parents figured they might as well use the bits of his body that appear to do the thinking for sending this waste of oxygen to SEO school, and completely skip any other formal education or even Tender Lovin’ Care from his mommy. I’ll bet he got kicked around by his alcoholic of a father each day before being sent to sell himself to swimming coaches all day.

Captain Jarabaraas – Wannabe Troll

25% Moron… 75% WTF?

So this while 5 word taggy thang going around is raising some serious concerns about the kind of education people have been getting. A few posts ago we trashed Kalusudda for failing at basic math. Now we have someone who seems to be challenged by the very concept of quantity. It’s none other than thekillgoodtasteproject.  

1. Joy
2. Sadness
3. Confusion at the feeling the above 2 emotions at the same time
4. hope
5. Cynicism about the above emotion

HOLY FUCKNUTS! In what numerical system is that FIVE words? Even the bottom-feeders of Kottu will exercise their last remaining braincell and realise that there’s defnitely something wrong here. Is thekillgoodtasteproject’s verbosity so bad that he needs 20 words to say something every other Kottu moron manages to say in 5?

Good work boy. Success in Kottu is 25% being a moron and 75% being even more of a moron.

Welcome to Shitville!

In a desperate move to focus all eyes back on him, the fossil of the blogosphere has set another retarded tagging thread in motion!

We’ve seen them before… 100 things that prove you’re a schizophrenic dumbass, 20 people you’ve stalked within the past two days (with nude pics), 10 reasons why you love the Back Street Boys, Prince and Boy George…

And just when you thought the tagging plague had ended… this loser breathes stinking life back into that vile “game”!

Of course trust a pea-brain such as RD to come up with THE most retarded tagging thread conceivable! “You write five words to describe how you feel about recent events in Sri Lanka”. WTF you down syndrome, dyslexic Mofo!

Don’t get much attention anymore, eh? So you’ve resorted to using the most prominent topic of discussion in SL and that cheap attention grabbing tagging thread… I actually feel sorry for you… Talk about pinnacle of desperation! 

You’re comments have trickled down to 3 or 2 per post and even… (dare I say it)… Zero, nought, zilch!

Yeah… It would seem that people have finally latched on to your blog being nothing more than a pile of reeking shit that’s patronized by the unimaginative dung beetles (in search of shitty material for their blogs) and the brainless gnats who’d eagerly feed on any old shit like it were chocolate cheesecake!

Jarabaraas EPIC FAIL!

Everyone! Everyone! Look here, we have something to show you! Holy crap, look who’s trying to be a troll! It’s the Jarabaraas aiya himself. Looks liek he got bored of taking it up the rear from swimming coaches and decided to try his hand at something else he fails at.

Our beloved resident retard just never learns, does he? He goes from height to height in the realms of utter stupidity. His is about as entertaining as watching Jarabaraas himself try to read Shakespeare. Wait, that would be pretty interesting. We can all watch as he tries to read, eyes tearing at all the new words he’s learning, fists clenched in stubbornness.

Captain Jarabarass. Earth to Captain Jarabaraas. You are an idiot. You post the most worthless crap in the history of the internet. Of the world. Of the fucking universe. Are we getting through to you Captain Jarabaraas? Stop trying to copy lines from the padashow to use as your own. That just fails. Like everything else you lay hands on. I’ll bet Jarabaraas was on the Titanic. Almost certainly he was somewhere nearby, sucking off a communist when Chernobyl happened. Fucking hell, Jarabaraas must be Bush himself!

Please, Captain Jarabaraas, you fail to be funny, you fail to not be retarded, you fail to win the hearts of the retarded and you are going to fail as a human, whereupon you will fail at suicide, fail at staying away from jail, fail at protecting your anal opening from intruders and finally fail to live.

But please, don’t leave blogging, you’re just too much fun to troll.

Whats with all these other losers out there?

Yo bitches! Notice all the new farts round here calling themselves trolls? What the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t have so many trolls that even Jarabaraas’s multiple personalities can’t outnumber them!

Listen up bitches, either be good at it or get out of the show. I can’t stand to look at all these half-hearted little pricks trying to be trolls and ruining it for the rest of us.

Just look at this pada over here. Listen up you fucking muppet, being a troll means ripping on posts that make you want to puke. Not blabbering crap like

Working tirelessly with admirable benignity, these aspirant exemplars address critical social upheavals with avant-garde convictions that leave one with a sense of wonderment and reverence.

If you want to let the world know you went to private school and got buttfucked by a bunch of older boys, just call yourself Jarabaraas Bawa. Get your hands dirty you stupid fairy.

Then there’s this pada over here, who doesn’t even post often enough. Maharajah? He’s the ‘Maharajah’ of Bad like my grandmother’s a fine piece of ass. At least we know you have the presence of mind to post so rarely that nobody notices. Stupid bitch.

Even you fuckwits hiding in twitter, we see you. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the fucking sauna..

It’s back to school for you

Here’s something from our Kalusudda.

You write five words to describe how you feel about recent events in Sri Lanka. You tag five bloggers. You sit back and relax.

1.Child’s pain
2.Mothers agony
3. Despair
4.Numbnes
5.Hope

It’s FIVE words you moron. not SEVEN.

It’s happening! RUN!

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Jarabaraas is in Colombo and on the loose. He’s got a list of names and he’s coming for you in the night. Gehan’s Dark-backside was the first victim.

Someone tried to attack my family last night. Apparently, while my dad was working there was a loud noise at the entrance to the office, and when my dad looked up he could see that someone was furiously trying to turn the handle and force the door open.

Later Jarabaraas snuck upstairs and butt-raped our protagonist. Perhaps the recent forced expansion of Gehan’s nether orifice will help him to produce better padas! Too bad his folks are going to have to build a brand new loo just for him with a super wide commode (preferably a tub converted). Three cheers for Jarabaraas!

Anyway, getting back to more serious matters, who’s going to come for the total-troll-super-sleepover that Jarabaraasand Padashow are organising to celebrate the return to ol’ lanka of the craziest mofo Kottu has ever seen?

BEWARE. NB is in town!

Hello freaks. Nibras Jarabaraas Bawa is in town. I mean Colombo you dumbfuck.

So far he’s killed one Wolkswagon. He took his Civic and ran the old bitch over till she was scrap metal.

This can only lead to trouble.
 

 

 

 

 

 
That’s what happens when you piss of Jarabaraas. He’s got a list and your name’s on it. You pissed off the Jarabaraas and now the Jarabaraas is gonna come knocking on your door. Nice knowing you lot. RIP.

Meanwhile, all trolls are welcome to the sleepover at NB’s house on Saturday night.

Eight Legged Freaks!

The arachnid amongst us keeps spewing more and more pada for us. Apparently even the smallest of the eight legged freaks outclass this specimen in brainpower though, as they have the sense to not blog. This one, unfortunately, chooses to assault us with the most horribly conceived blog posts ever seen on kottu. We salute your ability to sink to lower levels than we thought possible.

It really is an achievement when even the stupidly prominent Google ads on the sidebar are more interesting to read than your posts. Obviously it takes a special kind of person to come to such a level of retardation that you have to be kept in solitary confinement, talking only to the little animals unfortunate enough to cross your path. That poor bastard of a squirrel must have taken it’s own like by stuffing an acorn down it’s tiny throat.

Diversifying into drawings and audio won’t save your blog. Give up now. We don’t want to hear your whiny voice or the chalk scratches of a 3 year old mind. Occasionally swearing and using using words so horribly deformed a leper would laugh at them do not make you cool. Spare us your sad attempts at a blog and go back to your pathetic life, insect.

The Unsilent Should Be Silent

Here we come across another poet. As usual the wannabe poet is surrounded by adoring fans, most of whom would have a collective IQ in the negative range. What is it with you padas and poetry? At least spare us your fumbling starts, posting only when you really have something of substance!

His prose is no better. My cat could write better prose, even thought it died six years ago.

The light fell a few inches shy from his feet as he stood at the edge of the darkness.

Holy fucknuts! Really? Who would’ve thought that there could be light at the edge of the darkness?! Here we were thinking it was a pile of crap poetry over the edge. Reading this blog is like having a small insect eat it’s way through your brain from one ear to the other. Actually finishing a post feels like the realization that the insect has laid eggs. If you’re stupid enough to appreciate it and comment, the eggs have formed a fucking colony in your brain and rule your decisions.

This guy’s probably going for the chicks dig poets angle. You’re wrong buddy, fucked out whores dig poets. The only ones who dig crap poets are transvestites.