Bedtime Stories

Deliah Says should be commended for her attempts to help the retards on the blogosphere learn to read. Her short sentences are similar to those found in ‘Peter and Jane’ or ‘Read It Yourself’ Ladybird books intended for toddlers. Her Poems are like something out of a Dr. Seuss book, except with the content being mature and snooze inducing.

But that’s Possibility- 1: Deliah Says (doesn’t that sound typical of a kid’s novel?) There are other possible reasons as to why Dreary-liah would write entire posts in sentences of about 3 or 4 words. Such as…

Possibility- 2 : Deliah Scrooge

She is a groupie of the failed builder, indifferent mathematician, barman and of course failed writer (to those who aren’t the dumbass judges who pick the Gratiaen award winners)- Ashok Ferry. In his sad attempts to be hip by following the current trend among writers, he cuts his sentences down to a laughable degree. Cutting it down FURTHER is no laughing matter though. That’s just pathetic. And that’s Deliah Scrooge for you.

If you’re an emo insomniac you might be interested in checking out her post ‘Don’t Fall in Love With a Dreamer’. Reading it will cure you of your insomnia AND give you the very same experience you’d get by self-inflicted harm (sharp pointy tools).

At the risk of being cast side as a male chauvinist, how are women able to consistently dish out truck loads of emotional crap???

Her blog content and of course writing style sucks donkey balls! Just half way through the first paragraph, I was almost brought to tears, not because it struck a chord within me but because it was that god damned pathetic!

I was in complete awe of the bloggers who were able to get through the post but the awe disintegrated to dust the moment I read their comments about it being a good piece of writing.

One of the commenters was another chick, so that was understandable. But Mr.BackSide? Then again, why am I surprised? All his posts are gay/ emo as well.

Idiots Galore

Kottu has been like a pot of old gym socks. Gradually starting to smell more and more as each day passes by. We took a gander at the posts up today and were frankly appalled at what people put out as post worthy.

The old fogey among us has made yet another obvious post. With him we are exposed to either the most inane crap you’ve ever seen, or the most obvious things in life delivered to us on a platter filled out with fart jokes and stroking pets’ genital areas. We’re not sure what customs they would have in London but we’re quite sure grabbing your dog by the family jewels does not figure in the day’s activities of any normal family. But you never knwo with old man RD. At least the cats he has come into contact with know how to react to him. If only they could speak out the words in their heads, which RD has kindly confirmed to us.

The village idiot has posted again but now it is getting old. It’s bullshit generator has gotten old and creaky. Either that or our friend Davy has gone and stuck some plumbago up his ass. “I got raped so I decided to disable comments”. A pat on the back, or other suitable flat surface, to any creature who managed to rape the big blubbering questionmark at an evolutionary dead end that is jarabaraas. We salute your ability to violate a being(loosely) that can utter sentences the likes of “I got my balls kicked by my wife so I decided to invest in property developement”.

The Wankster has made another completely deranged pile of words that a million screaming monkeys could never produce. His sexual frustration is apparent in this post too, as he drags in scantily clad women and ladies washrooms in from all over the place. Somebody please give this guy a handjob. It’s not fightclub, it’s plain retardation. Get an appointment soon, lest you turn into jarabaraas.

Our old friend Indi has stumbled into a fashion show. So in a bid to get people to come see all his other good works and help his political career on it’s way, he has posted a video of it all. You’re doing it wrong sonny, you need a title like “Sexy young things strutting down catwalk” to match. “Colombo stirring” is about as interesting as “A day in the life of Indi’s crotch”. Neither is very happening. Just occasionally lurching ahead if some unreachable object of desire shows up.

Ensuring a place in history, one retarded comment at a time

Enter Jarabaraas. Seasoned retarded blogger, amateur female and that creep who stares at women on the street. Of late it has been taking it upon himself the noble cause of showing us all who the most dim-witted of the padas are. It does this simply by posting the most outlandish crap possible and waiting for comments.

This past verbal assault of the senses contains many paragraphs of just that. Here we give you a fe excerpts.

It is fair to say controversy lead to popularity. I touched on topics that were “NO GO area” and taboo for others. Whilst I managed to get traffic into my blog, I did so at a cost, well not really, but still it has a price that I have paid for, namely ANONYMOUS HATE COMMENTS.

Obviously, making a fool of yourself in so many ways that Einstein loses count is definitely a “NO GO area”. Trust NB to wander into places nobody dares to go. Rather, where nobody gives a shit to consider going to because you get bored out of your mind if you do.

Come think of it, I always knew the risks. I was warned Kottu was a minefield of sorts where one had to look and watch his/her back. Heeding to this advice, as a precautionary measure I moderated comments. I didn’t want to get into all kinds of ugly wars online. End of the day I do have my ethics, values and principles despite my cold-blooded personality.

Holy shit! The great Jarabaraas has spoken, and kottu is a battleground! God save our souls! Obviously, you’re supposed to watch you back in minefields, as those sneaky buggers like Indi and Blacker sneak up behind you and lob landmines at you. I should have listened to David Blacker and not ignored him as a washed up old hack. Oh woe is me. Soon all our kottu will be destroyed and rotten. Surely we will have to crouch along the ground when posting. I myself was singed by a few ak47’s when typing this post.

Halfway through reading up on our mentally challenged friend’s updates, we just lost all interest. The thing called Jarabaraas has gone supernova. This new post is so full of bullshit that it’s surprising the creature isn’t in advertising himself. The thing shows us two images that look alike about as much as a leper and Jessica Alba, trying to pass them off as one and the same.

Fuckwit.

And The Saga of Jarabaraas Continues…

I feel we’ve given our good friend and resident village idiot enough of an incubation period to come up with some world class dumbassery. But alas, it is not to be so. All we are given is the mildly retarded content that pours out from here.

What happened friend? Did you stick a filter on the bullshit generator? Why did you turn into a woman? We wholeheartedly agree that you still have much to give the world. You should keep blogging. But why switch to another blog? You can just use the old one, my good chap. You’ve rejuvinated iot enough times now that people have actually lost count. What purpose would calling yourself a girl serve?

It’s like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. But calling Jarabaraas a wolf is an insult to all animals, and instead of sheep’s clothing in this case the creature just smeared some lipstick on it’s face, put on a corsette and pretended to be a girl. We are reminded of Bugs Bunny’s attempts to foil the hunter. And, like that, we all know who’s really under that almost nonexistent smattering of disguise. Only the lowliest of minds are fooled by this feeble attempt.

We almost forgot about his usage of the emote . That poor, poor little icon has been stripped of any decency now that Jarabaraas has started throwing it around at every opportunity. Almost like he throws himself off a cliff so many times to become as retarded as he is. He must repeat it a few times a week, so as to stop the natural healing process taking place.

It’s almost as if he/she/it is trying it’s hardest to make posts on the most controvertial of topics, and failing miserably at it. Resorting to commenting anonymously on your own blog does not a controversy make. The only way you would ever generate interest these days is if you started taking voyeur pictures of women you deem to be “indecently” dressed and posted them with your judgement. What happened, boy? You used to be so good at pulling the right strings on the minds of all the padas. Need somebody to light a fire under you?

Nowadays I can’t even pick out sentences from your blog to laugh at. It is a sad day indeed when Jarabaraas cannot make people laugh. If I try now, my brain just starts hurting when I start reading. If I get past more than two sentences, I feel like a ton of bricks just fell on me and continued to violate me from behind. Well at least you can say his writing has an impact.

RIP Jarabaraas – Dumb Motherfucker and World Class Retarded Blogger. May he have plumbago stuck up his behind for eternity.